knocked that shit out of the park: my craniofacial surgery journey

On Sep 16, 2026, I got Facial Feminization Surgery from renowned surgeon Dr. Jordan Deschamps-Braly. This is a very exciting development! I went to my first consult with him back in 2024 (which I scheduled in 2023!) but for various reasons waited to actually do it.

Anyway, for reference, here are two cute photos of me pre-surgery. Honestly, if I looked like I do in these photos at all times from all angles, I probably wouldn't have bothered with surgery! Since I think I'm very pretty and feminine in them.

Unfortunately, whenever I take dead-on photos like this, people tell me it doesn't look like me. That's probably because these photos completely conceal my very large browbone.

I don't mega hate my appearance in these photos either, but you know, strictly speaking, it is dysphoric.

I mean, here's a photo of me the day before surgery. Since it's lit from above, it doesn't look very good!

So, anyway, it's an interesting situation. When I look in the mirror (favorable lighting, dead-on) I usually like what I see. But then I'll see most candid photos of me and be like, “what the fuck”. You know? However, when I look at literally all before-after photos of DB's work, I have to say I'd rather look like the after than the before, by a wide margin. So at least directionally, it seems like I should expect the same with my own results.

Alright then, let's go!

so, you'll notice that my scalp is like, bunchey. That's because I have deep sutures under the skin like, pulling everything together, so that the skin itself isn't tight (its much easier for this loose, bunched skin to heal properly than if it were under tension).

My friend Lucia got the same procedure from the same surgeon about 6mo ago, and she had similar bunching. She mentioned being freaked out about it, and I was like “huh. I guess that makes sense, but it will obviously go away, so I feel like it wouldn't freak me out”. Well I'm not sure how much I'm freaked out by that particular detail, but like, in general, looking mega fucked and disfigured actually did end up feeling quite strenuous on my mental state. By the time of the first post op, physically I was also feeling my worst yet, as each day I'd felt more in pain and discomfortable than the last.

[note: I've asked for my pre and post op photos from the clinic's files, and will insert them here]

My second post op was funny. I don't know about you, but when I look at my current face, I just see a kind of fucked up face. I mean, it's a face that somebody could have been born with, I just don't think they'd be very happy about this fact. And, I'll admit, it looks more born to a woman than a man, I guess. But if I had to choose between this face and my old face, well I'd definitely prefer the old one.

Nonetheless, Dr. Deschamps-Braly is pumped. We sit down, he pulls up the before and afters, and he's like

“So, you look good! How are we feeling?”.
Me: stares at screen, wordless
DB: “Excited? 🙂”.
Me: “Oh, I mean... I guess the swelling is still going down”
DB: “Ha, well, that'll be true for the next 18 months, so you'll have that to look forward to a while.”
Me: “Right. . . Well...”

And like, in the before, it wasn't even the most flattering picture but I definitely look like a beautiful person with a deep interiority, to me. My eyes are super striking. Even like, my eyelashes are way more defined and dark and perfect? I ask him about this and he's like “Oh yeah we switched cameras since then so that's why”.
We talk some specifics about what is and isn't swollen and by how much, a bit. My temples, for example, are 70% transferred fat, 30% swelling. And maybe 30% of that fat will get absorbed. I try to envision having temples that are 49% as engorged as they are now, but no mental image materializes to replace the one in front of me.

DB: “But, I mean basically this whole brow area already looks like how it's gonna look, and it's good! 😃 And the nose is most of the way there. Here, lets pull up the profile”
DB: “Yeah, I mean, come on, I think it's safe to say I knocked that shit out of the park! 😃”
Me: stares wordlessly at a photograph of what appears to be a very unattractive genderless person, whom I'm aware is also me, right now

If I were to write a very short list of my traits, among the top would be that I do not feign enthusiasm. I will not laugh at jokes that I don't find funny. If somebody shows me their art that isn't to my taste, I won't act impressed. Etcetera. I just won't. I have met a few people who I would say reach my level of uncompromising, and they are all known as some of the most disagreeable people on Earth.

I know that he has the surgical eye, and I do not. I know that when he looks at me, he sees past the present, he sees what I'll look like in 6 months, 12 months, even 120 months into the future. He knows what I'll look like once I've died, and that too, he would look upon with great pride. I can't see any of that, though. I don't want to rain on his parade, for heaven's sake! In his truly expert opinion, he's earned the parade! But I can't pretend I'm having any experience other than looking at an unattractive blob-person. So, I just sit there.

Finally he gives me some relief

DB: “But I mean look, like, you can see right now, under your chin, you have no neck. Before, you had a neck. Well I didn't do anything to your neck, that's all swelling.”
Me: “Right. That's good that you didn't do that surgically. That seems wise.”

Anyway so we shake hands a few times, as he shows me out. I take the selfie you saw of me in a hat. I am doing my best not to despair. I post in the Discord server for DB patients. People tell me I am indeed still very swollen. The girl who happened to have her 2nd post op immediately before mine says she experienced the exact same awkwardness. I do my best to push the idea of caring about my appearance out of my mind entirely, even though caring about my appearance is the only reason I had this god forsaken surgery to begin with. Why couldn't I just be content with looking great from exactly one angle while exposed to soft ambient lighting? It may be only one angle, but it's the most important angle! Now I look fucking stupid from all angles. Maybe in 6 months I will be presentable, but by then Claude will have uploaded everyone to VR anyway, so who cares.

I open the #timelines channel for some hopium.

!!!!

So you are telling me this person:

had this experience (i imagine):

well, thats heartening! okay i feel better now. anyway that is all.

I have not many other notes about the process. I was surprised that I felt totally fine 1 and 2 days after, but then felt like mega shit more and more each day for a while. Mostly I was bored during recovery since I was just engaging in self soothing (watching starcraft 2 cheese videos) all day.

I think it is possible I would actually rather look a little clockier than I asked DB to make me, like Hunter Schafer, who DB says has a “pretty masculine forehead”.

After all, I like being a bit bigender. That's why I changed my name to Iggy instead of what it was previously, Emmy (no relation to the beautiful discord user), since it can be a hyper fem girl name (like Iggy Azalea) OR an effeminate/bigender male name (like Iggy Pop). But I also used to think I wanted to keep my beard, and that was really fucking stupid, so ever since looking back on that I've figured I should just go as hard as possible on being fem instead of trying to be conservative about it. And so far, I have only ever liked feminizing.

I will check in how I feel about it in a year. Its easier to masculinize than to feminize since it's additive. (To be clear I think it is under 10% odds I get any revisions to be more clocky, I am just revealing my mental landscape.)

Thanks!

Update as of Oct 10

Cutest picture of me post ffs so far: